Don't respond at all and wait calmly for their answer. Lets relax for a moment into this 'don't know' place.' And it's a great time to remind our clients, 'Just because you FEEL or THINK it doesn't make it true.' So, here are 15 ways to respond and turn that 'I don't know' into an Aha moment! All those feelings we shouldn't really feel - but still do. By this I mean honour the parts of our clients that feel afraid, embarrassed, ashamed, resentful. I'm terrified that they won't understand and will laugh at me/it will damage our friendship.' Now we have the truth - and something real to work with.įrom here we can look at the feelings, explore the judgements, prepare back-up plans, discover new options, and MOST importantly honour the whole person. Yet when we face that thought, that feeling and say, 'I know I need to quit my job but I'm afraid' or 'I feel like such a child, but I don't want to apologise' or 'I'm such a coward. And when we do this we literally block ourselves from moving forwards, because what we're saying is - I'm ashamed/embarrassed/afraid of that part of me. We're more focused on who we think we SHOULD be, than who we actually are.

Or maybe it's something else.īut whenever we don't acknowledge what we're REALLY thinking, we are rejecting a part of ourselves. Perhaps if they say the answer out loud they'll have to face something unpleasant (have that difficult conversation with their boss/partner). Perhaps their logical, rational side thinks their answer is ridiculous, childish or immature (she won't like me any more).

They may not want to disappoint us (I'm not ready to take that step). It could be that they're afraid what their inner critic will say to their answer (don't be such a baby!). Maybe it means they will need to acknowledge some change is needed in their lives (they might have to quit their job) or maybe they don't trust US enough yet and are afraid what we will think. There are any number of reasons for that, 'I don't know' - but most of them are probably a fear of the consequences of stating that answer aloud.

There can be many reasons for the 'I don't know', but if we trust our instincts and explore gently - we may just be rewarded with an Aha moment! If it was was easy to say aloud they would have done so. Often when our clients say 'I don't know', they really do know - they're just unwilling to acknowledge or face the answer.

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